Our conversations with others, particularly in mentoring, may be characterized by “backbone and heart”. We share various sides of our own humanity…strengths, vulnerability and caring.
Backbone is being strong. It is strength of character and modeling that character even in (especially in) difficult situations. It is saying things that need to be said to push others to be their best (because you care about them). It is the setting of boundaries. It is courage under pressure. It is “being there” even if you don’t want to be. It is doing the “right” things.
Heart is doing things with care and love (is there really any other way?). It is kind words. It is a sharing of feeling and emotion rather than just doing something. It can be happy or sad but it is definitely supportive.
Backbone and heart belong together and are a balancing of attitudes. Tough love is an example. Vulnerability is that magic ingredient that pulls them together and is an important part of the relationship. Brené Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” Vulnerability enlarges/deepens a relationship by creating a special connectedness. It takes courage.
Take a look at your conversations and relationships. Is “backbone and heart” part of them?