Purposeful mentoring requires the development of caring yet influential relationships. The influential part is about creating a receptivity on the part of the mentee to listen and adopt a growth attitude not about pushing your viewpoint. This only occurs when a foundation of care, trust and respect is built. We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves.
Here are some skills mentors need to establish these relationships.
- Ask Good Open-Ended Questions. Closed questions end with a “yes or no”. Open-ended questions, especially tough ones, require deeper thought and provide the opportunity to explore points-of-view.
- Listen Actively. The listener makes sure the talker knows that the words AND meaning of the words are clear. The conversation is two-way and has some balance.
- Affirm. Find ways to say insightful, positive things and say these much more frequently (10:1) than offering criticism. This allows the mentee to truly see the good and worth in themselves.
- Constructive Criticism. The word “constructive” is key in that there must be a pathway to see how to do something differently.
- Role Model. Let the mentee see values in action. “Do as I do not just as I say.”
- Be Available. Show up as planned with a frequency that works for both and be fully “in the moment” when together.
While my thoughts have been directed on how a mentor influences a mentee, remember that relationships are two-way. It’s a matter of choice and attitude to personally learn too. Be flexible.